Those of us who have experienced childhood traumas of any kind, know this feeling: when we get older, we often wonder how to let go of the past, all those emotions and that PTSD.
Like many who have experienced certain types of trauma, I had lost most of my trust in God; and around age 34, all I saw in my life was that I had failed over and over again. One day, I came to a point where I finally began to pray to God again.
A few weeks later, I read A Course in Miracles for the first time. I also discovered the books from Joel S. Goldsmith, The Art of Spiritual Living. I was relieved to read that we can ask for divine support. In prayers and meditations, we receive the strength to let go and to forgive. We do not have to do all these steps alone. We can pray for healing for all those painful emotions and limiting beliefs. With A Course in Miracles and similar books, we learn to see any situation without the misinterpretations of our ego. This is how we find inner peace, step by step.
Personally, I had too many doubts when I read these books the first time. In the beginning, I did not really trust God. My old feelings of shame and guilt made it impossible for me to believe that God could really love me. Same as others who have experienced childhood traumas, I had many old walls around me. Those same walls hindered me to receive the healing love from God. My ego then said: those teachings do not work; those books are not good. Sure, it was me: I did not trust, and I did not believe enough...
Therefore, I had to read these books again. With time, my trust became stronger, until I allowed myself to receive more of the love and support from the divine realms. The more I read, the more I felt a feeling of relief in my heart, even I could not yet understand all the details. I continued to study those books, because I felt that something within my heart was really healing, even I could not explain it with words.
With regular practice, I began to feel better. I learned that if I want to experience lasting healing, I had to lay my ego aside; including all my personal ideas on how fast, where and when more of that inner healing would happen for me. (With my ADHD, I sometimes was impatient.)
The steps of letting go demand forgiveness: forgiving others and ourselves. We all know that our ego prefers to judge and to blame others and is rarely willing to forgive. Forgiveness leads to acceptance. The practice of acceptance seems almost impossible. How could I accept what seems unfair? How could I lay all my judgments aside? These books helped me to do all that. ACIM teaches us not to identify with the body, which is an important and very profound healing step, especially for people with PTSD due to physical traumas.
As I read those books again, I understood that I must do my part of the work, every day. In order to move forward and find that peace I was longing for, I had to lay all my judgements aside, also all my expectations, without any exceptions. When we pray and ask for support, Divine Guidance helps us to see all situations from a higher perspective. This is why daily prayers and meditations are so precious. In that alignment with our Divine Source, we experience more and more healing. Yes, it really feels like a miracle when that feeling of peace replaces those old painful emotions. With practice, this becomes easier.
Same like many on this path, I continue to read in those healing books. Every time I read in those books again, I observe new changes in my heart, also in my life, and I receive a new, deeper understanding.
Divine Love truly works in many beautiful ways, if we allow it to guide us.
In my personal experiences, this is how we receive divine healing, layer after layer, on all levels. This is how perception changes into knowing. This is how we begin to remember who we really are. Our consciousness changes when we reconnect with the healing love of our Divine Self and our Divine Source. Love again becomes our natural state of being, right here as the Divine Self, in oneness with Christ-consciousness.
Have patience along this path. Have compassion with yourself.
Allow me to mention at this point that many spiritual teachings talk about the possible influences of old karma from previous incarnations. An older meditation teacher once explained: it is good that one does not know the things he did in past lifetimes. You can read more about the topic of karma in the books from Dr. David R. Hawkins (veritas publishing).